Prison Raconteurs Gifts

Having a child who had missed three assemblies wasn't enough to win the respect of the hardmen of prison block 'D'.

Tic-tac-toe

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

"I almost got away with it! Then somebody called in the SWAT team!"

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Sweet Jailbreak

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Prison Wallpaper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'I'm in for being a killer. You?'

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

'I'm only here to pep up my autobiography.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

In The Bastille

"No ham in this, I hope?"

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

'There's one clever man, he managed to lose almost a billion dollars before they caught him.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'Let's stay in tonight.'

Earl's magic show was very popular with his fellow inmates

'It wouldn't hurt you to visit me once in a while!'

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."