Prison Raconteur Gifts

'I'm only here to pep up my autobiography.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

"I almost got away with it! Then somebody called in the SWAT team!"

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Sweet Jailbreak

Prison Wallpaper.

'I'm in for being a killer. You?'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

In The Bastille

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

"No ham in this, I hope?"

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

'There's one clever man, he managed to lose almost a billion dollars before they caught him.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

Earl's magic show was very popular with his fellow inmates

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

'It wouldn't hurt you to visit me once in a while!'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"