Prison Literature Gifts

'Want a cracker?'

'They reckon nobody is ever more than ten feet away from a rat.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

Sweet Jailbreak

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Prison Wallpaper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

"No ham in this, I hope?"

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

'This place is perfect for me. I was convicted of being a serial time-killer.'

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

"Stay! Do not chase us! Staaay! Staaay!"

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

You gonna eat your pickle?

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

Maybe it wasn't the best idea to put a climbing wall in the exercise yard.

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'

'It wouldn't hurt you to visit me once in a while!'

Earl's magic show was very popular with his fellow inmates

'Well, it's a little intimidating. All I managed to smuggle in was a comb.'

"Ironically, I've got no bars."