Prison Fiction Gifts

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Sweet Jailbreak

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Prison Wallpaper.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'This place is perfect for me. I was convicted of being a serial time-killer.'

"No ham in this, I hope?"

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Stay! Do not chase us! Staaay! Staaay!"

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

You gonna eat your pickle?

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

Maybe it wasn't the best idea to put a climbing wall in the exercise yard.

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

Earl's magic show was very popular with his fellow inmates

'It wouldn't hurt you to visit me once in a while!'

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

Arrows Pointing The Blame.

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

'Well, it's a little intimidating. All I managed to smuggle in was a comb.'