Prison Fiction Gifts

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Sweet Jailbreak

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Prison Wallpaper.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'This place is perfect for me. I was convicted of being a serial time-killer.'

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

A prison with a conservatory attached.

"No ham in this, I hope?"

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

Arrows Pointing The Blame.

'It wouldn't hurt you to visit me once in a while!'

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

'Well, it's a little intimidating. All I managed to smuggle in was a comb.'

Earl's magic show was very popular with his fellow inmates

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'