Prison Stories Fan Gifts

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Sweet Jailbreak

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Prison Wallpaper.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Preferred Prisons

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

'There's one clever man, he managed to lose almost a billion dollars before they caught him.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

"I was doing ok before the investigation

"He says he won't wear a mask."

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'