Prison Narrative Fan Gifts

"He says he won't wear a mask."

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

"I'm thinking of getting a little weekend job."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

"Now, see here, I've been wronged! Some no-good do-nothing rat pack got me sick, and I gotta know who!"

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack In the Big House

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

'It's windy this morning.'

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

Preferred Prisons

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

'When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking.'

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

Identity theft. You?

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'