Prison Narrative Aficionado Gifts

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"You ever done time?"

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

"No ham in this, I hope?"

A prison with a conservatory attached.

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

"I was doing ok before the investigation

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

"He says he won't wear a mask."

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

Do you believe in free love?

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

'One 10 by 8 for the wife, and a dozen postcard size for the rest of the gang...'

A man sitting in a jail cell reading a book titled "Who's Who in Jail".

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

No caption. (Two jail cell inmates are seen looking at each other. One is a human, one a mouse. There are bars on the cell window and bars shown on the mouse hole).

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

"I'd like a quick word with you after visiting time."

"For me, a confessions is much too autobiographical."

"I think what I miss most is robbing people."

'I'm going to handle your appeal, but remember, I'm on death row.'

'Will you shut up with the stupid quotes from that stupid book?!!'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'