Prison Narrative Aficionado Gifts

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

"No ham in this, I hope?"

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

Do you believe in free love?

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

"He says he won't wear a mask."

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'

"I was doing ok before the investigation

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

'One 10 by 8 for the wife, and a dozen postcard size for the rest of the gang...'

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

"I'd like a quick word with you after visiting time."

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

A man sitting in a jail cell reading a book titled "Who's Who in Jail".

"For me, a confessions is much too autobiographical."

"I think what I miss most is robbing people."

'I'm going to handle your appeal, but remember, I'm on death row.'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

And for sport we've got a spittoon.