Prison Aficionado Gifts

'Yes, it's true I got ten years for a traffic violation -- drug trafficking.'

"You ever done time?"

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"In the movie about the New York prison escapees, I'd like to see Jack Nicholson as Richard Matt and Woody Harrelson as David Sweat."

Prisoner on the run - tread mill.

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

'Here comes the warden. Let's see you try to dance your way out of this one.'

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

Santa visits prison.

"I found your contact lens."

"Long story short, twenty minutes ago I wuz foolin' around on the prison computer... pressed the 'escape' key, and here I am!"

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'Sure, you can escape, but you never escape unscathed.'

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

Get you anything while I'm out?

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

It's stopped raining. I think I'll be going!

'One 10 by 8 for the wife, and a dozen postcard size for the rest of the gang...'

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

Prison officers' hospital visit.

'...And we'll soon have you out of those nasty black clod-hoppers and into some nice comfy slippers.'

Prison coffee table books.

'A break-out? Forget it. Security's too tight. Can't even break out in a sweat around here without getting caught.'

"What happens if you hit escape?"

A prison inmate is typing prison tally marks in his laptop computer.

'How's my appeal going?', 'How's your tunnel going?'