Prison Life Afficionado Gifts

A prison inmate is typing prison tally marks in his laptop computer.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

"In the movie about the New York prison escapees, I'd like to see Jack Nicholson as Richard Matt and Woody Harrelson as David Sweat."

Prisoner on the run - tread mill.

'Here comes the warden. Let's see you try to dance your way out of this one.'

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

"Long story short, twenty minutes ago I wuz foolin' around on the prison computer... pressed the 'escape' key, and here I am!"

'Sure, you can escape, but you never escape unscathed.'

Santa visits prison.

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

"Neato, keeno - bunk beds!"

'One 10 by 8 for the wife, and a dozen postcard size for the rest of the gang...'

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

Prison officers' hospital visit.

"I think what I miss most is robbing people."