Prison Life Afficionado Gifts

A prison inmate is typing prison tally marks in his laptop computer.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"You ever done time?"

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"In the movie about the New York prison escapees, I'd like to see Jack Nicholson as Richard Matt and Woody Harrelson as David Sweat."

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

Prisoner on the run - tread mill.

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

'Here comes the warden. Let's see you try to dance your way out of this one.'

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

Santa visits prison.

Get you anything while I'm out?

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'Sure, you can escape, but you never escape unscathed.'

"I found your contact lens."

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

"Long story short, twenty minutes ago I wuz foolin' around on the prison computer... pressed the 'escape' key, and here I am!"

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

"Neato, keeno - bunk beds!"

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

No caption. (Two jail cell inmates are seen looking at each other. One is a human, one a mouse. There are bars on the cell window and bars shown on the mouse hole).

'One 10 by 8 for the wife, and a dozen postcard size for the rest of the gang...'

Prison officers' hospital visit.

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'