Prison Aficionados Gifts

I went down to the jail to bail out Sadie. But she refused to leave. Why? Seems the old lady's risen to the top of the pecking order already. Everyone seemed to be catering to her. Her cell even had cable TV and flowers with doilies. When I noticed the prison guard had a new tattoo of a begonia under his left eye, I got the heck out of there.

'Don't worry - You'll cross the pain threshold in a couple of years.'

"Can I still do my pilates?"

'Let's get a kitty.'

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"You ever done time?"

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

Prisoner on the run - tread mill.

Prison bus - "Race you for a window seat."

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

"In the movie about the New York prison escapees, I'd like to see Jack Nicholson as Richard Matt and Woody Harrelson as David Sweat."

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

'Here comes the warden. Let's see you try to dance your way out of this one.'

Get you anything while I'm out?

"I found your contact lens."

'Sure, you can escape, but you never escape unscathed.'

"Bit of a hitch, guys - it may not be viable for me to return to the office just yet."

"Long story short, twenty minutes ago I wuz foolin' around on the prison computer... pressed the 'escape' key, and here I am!"

Santa visits prison.

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

Prisoner playing golf with his ball and chains.

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

FISH ESCAPE.

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

It's stopped raining. I think I'll be going!

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

'One 10 by 8 for the wife, and a dozen postcard size for the rest of the gang...'

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

WARDEN, 'You're a bad influence around here, Murdock!'