Prison Culture Fan Gifts

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"Can I still do my pilates?"

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

'It's windy this morning.'

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

You gonna eat your pickle?

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

A prison with a conservatory attached.

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

Preferred Prisons

"You ever done time?"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Hey. You're back.'

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'So, how was your day?'

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

Prisoner playing golf with his ball and chains.

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

Identity theft. You?

"Ironically, I've got no bars."