Prison Life Aficionado Gifts

'The Warden threatened me with a conjugal visit.'

'I got twenty years for abduction, what about you?'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"No ham in this, I hope?"

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

"You ever done time?"

"In the movie about the New York prison escapees, I'd like to see Jack Nicholson as Richard Matt and Woody Harrelson as David Sweat."

Prisoner on the run - tread mill.

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

'Here comes the warden. Let's see you try to dance your way out of this one.'

"Long story short, twenty minutes ago I wuz foolin' around on the prison computer... pressed the 'escape' key, and here I am!"

Santa visits prison.

Get you anything while I'm out?

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'Sure, you can escape, but you never escape unscathed.'

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

"I found your contact lens."

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

A man sitting in a jail cell reading a book titled "Who's Who in Jail".

It's stopped raining. I think I'll be going!

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

'...And we'll soon have you out of those nasty black clod-hoppers and into some nice comfy slippers.'

Prison coffee table books.

'One 10 by 8 for the wife, and a dozen postcard size for the rest of the gang...'

"I think what I miss most is robbing people."