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'Yes, it's true I got ten years for a traffic violation -- drug trafficking.'

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

"In the movie about the New York prison escapees, I'd like to see Jack Nicholson as Richard Matt and Woody Harrelson as David Sweat."

Prisoner on the run - tread mill.

'Here comes the warden. Let's see you try to dance your way out of this one.'

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

"Long story short, twenty minutes ago I wuz foolin' around on the prison computer... pressed the 'escape' key, and here I am!"

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

Santa visits prison.

'Sure, you can escape, but you never escape unscathed.'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

It's stopped raining. I think I'll be going!

'A break-out? Forget it. Security's too tight. Can't even break out in a sweat around here without getting caught.'

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

Prison officers' hospital visit.

'One 10 by 8 for the wife, and a dozen postcard size for the rest of the gang...'

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

'...And we'll soon have you out of those nasty black clod-hoppers and into some nice comfy slippers.'

"What happens if you hit escape?"

A prison inmate is typing prison tally marks in his laptop computer.

'How's my appeal going?', 'How's your tunnel going?'

'Can you sentence me to an overcrowded prison that has an overcrowded gang shower?'

'I'm going to handle your appeal, but remember, I'm on death row.'

And for sport we've got a spittoon.

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