Prison Drama Aficionado Gifts

'I fell in with a bad crowd when I was young -- my parents.'

Sultry Confinement

'Happy Birthday to You!'

And for sport we've got a spittoon.

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'When I said there was a thin person inside me screaming to get out, I didn't mean it LITERALLY!'

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'It's windy this morning.'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"You ever done time?"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking.'

'Yes, you look stunning. Can I put the mirror down now?'

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

Prison decorating

Identity theft. You?

'Thanks, but I don't need a lawyer. I'm going to tell the truth.'

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

"I buried three husbands. . .problem was, two of them were only napping."