Prison Drama Aficionado Gifts

'I fell in with a bad crowd when I was young -- my parents.'

Sultry Confinement

'Happy Birthday to You!'

And for sport we've got a spittoon.

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'When I said there was a thin person inside me screaming to get out, I didn't mean it LITERALLY!'

'It's windy this morning.'

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'Thanks, but I don't need a lawyer. I'm going to tell the truth.'

'When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking.'

'Yes, you look stunning. Can I put the mirror down now?'

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

Prison decorating

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

"I buried three husbands. . .problem was, two of them were only napping."

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

WARDEN, 'You're a bad influence around here, Murdock!'

Prison Library: Do Not Press The Escape Key On Prison Computers.

"Good news, the breakout's on tonight!"

'...And we'll soon have you out of those nasty black clod-hoppers and into some nice comfy slippers.'