Prison Drama Fanatic Gifts

'For the hundredth time, it's, 'Hand over your wallet.' It ain't that complicated.'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

Bribery and Corruption.

To Be. Not To Be. All Of The Above. None Of The Above.

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'When I said there was a thin person inside me screaming to get out, I didn't mean it LITERALLY!'

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

"I have gathered you all here tonight to finally reveal which one of you killed Professor Sturm!"

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'Bad police dog! What have I told you about planting evidence?'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

Mafia's car

'I ain't saying nothing without my literary agent!'

'It's windy this morning.'

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

Georgians vs Aliens

Hitman To Do List...

'He puts on a big tough-guy front, but he cried and cried during the 'Sopranos' finale.'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

Lucia di Lammermoor

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Hey. You're back.'

Depp V Heard

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'