Fan Of Prison Dramas Gifts

'Guard! Guard! He's sitting on my pillow again!'

'The governor has a few questions to ask you about last night's mass escape.'

"Can I still do my pilates?"

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'I said there is a F-I-L-E in the C-A-K-E!'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

'It's windy this morning.'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

Preferred Prisons

A prison with a conservatory attached.

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"You're doing 20-to-life. What do you mean you haven't got time to floss?"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'Let me swear on my grandchildren that our business is 100% legit. We outsourced extortion to the IRS, and assassination to the Pentagon!'

Police artist reveals himself.

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

Identity theft. You?

'Thanks, but I don't need a lawyer. I'm going to tell the truth.'

Prisoner playing golf with his ball and chains.

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'