Watching Prison Dramas Gifts

"Quit calling me 'boss.' You ratted me out. I ain't your stinkin' boss no more."

Joan Hickson

Slow Night

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Next camera crew 5 mins

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

Miami Mice

"Okay so which one stole your cereal?"

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"Paper or plastic?"

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

'It's not so much to protect his identity - he's just ugly.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

Jim and Betty Noir could turn a simple trip to the post office into gripping melodrama.

"It's like 'Family Circus' meets 'The Wire,' but on a cruise ship."

"You keep changing your story, flower, so I'm gonna ask you one last time."

'Oh, how moving, it's a woodland burial, Dennis.'

'Hello, Mum!'

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

'I said there is a F-I-L-E in the C-A-K-E!'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'