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'Guard! Guard! He's sitting on my pillow again!'

'The governor has a few questions to ask you about last night's mass escape.'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'I said there is a F-I-L-E in the C-A-K-E!'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

'It's windy this morning.'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

Preferred Prisons

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"You're doing 20-to-life. What do you mean you haven't got time to floss?"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

Police artist reveals himself.

'Let me swear on my grandchildren that our business is 100% legit. We outsourced extortion to the IRS, and assassination to the Pentagon!'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

Prison decorating

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

Prisoner playing golf with his ball and chains.

'When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking.'

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

'Thanks, but I don't need a lawyer. I'm going to tell the truth.'