Prison Narrative Fan Pillows

"He says he won't wear a mask."

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

"I'm thinking of getting a little weekend job."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

"Now, see here, I've been wronged! Some no-good do-nothing rat pack got me sick, and I gotta know who!"

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

A prison with a conservatory attached.

'It's windy this morning.'

Preferred Prisons

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'

Prison decorating

'Yes, you look stunning. Can I put the mirror down now?'