Prison Life Gifts

"End of February, McIntosh. Time to think about our spring plantings."

'For my last meal, I'd like something that's not high in trans-fat.'

Prisoners playing croquet with their ball and chain.

"They're doing inspections-get the throw pillows in order."

"It's an escape route. You know, in case of fire."

'He wouldn't stop telling me his whole boring life story. I finally had to end it.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

Stirrbucks

'This won't take long. I have to go to a 'sensitivity training seminar' in an hour.'

"The judge offered me a deal. Here for 30 days or a colonoscopy prep."

'We get three square-meals a day in here!'

'Just habit. Before he got here he spent three years under house arrest.'

Convict Decor

'Well, that's what we get for listening to reason.'

Exhibition for Prisoners

'And what's Ena Sharples been up to lately?'

Prison Greeting Card Shop

'I never knew that about walls...did you?'

'I was just hanging out... and they got me for indecent exposure.'

"You look worn out-let me take him walkies."

"We're so close that we're finishing each other's sentences."

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

Add Your Own Caption Week #218

"They're suppositories. Well what other type of drugs do you expect me to smuggle in."

"We live in a cell. Why can't we have a cellphone?"

"Don't think outside the box. Think outside of the cell!"

Prison cell wallpaper peels off

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner

"The Ficus Benjamina keeps asking where you are, and I'm tired of lying."

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'My running mate never visits me!'

'I stole someone else's identity. How was I to know he was on the ten most-wanted list?'

'When I snore, I'm put in solitary. And on nights when I don't, I'm released back into the general population.'