Picky Daters Pillows

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

'Next, time, we'll meet at my place.'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Woman finds sensitive mechanic to date.

"You're right. This is better than sex."

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

Spud dating.

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

Cupid gives up trying to get cell phone-using couple together.

'You must be Olivia.'

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

"I'm sorry but I can't bring the dessert menu until you at least try to finish your peas and carrots, it's policy."

"So tell me again where you're from."

Florist. You're taking your new girlfriend to the aviary for Valentine's Day? Yes -- It's a cheap date.

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

'Are you ready to be the winners?'

Ventrilamatch.com

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

'...by using lightning and the flesh of the undead. Luckily, he turned out to be a charming fellow and brilliant raconteur.'

At Saltwater Sweeties Dating Service

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

"We need to text about our relationship."

What star sign are you, let me guess...libra?