Awkward Date Aficionados Pillows

"Why don't you go back to your house for dessert and coffee?"

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"Darling, wait until you taste the new year's menu I have ordered for us!"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Next, time, we'll meet at my place.'

In Desperate Straits.

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"You're right. This is better than sex."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'A table for two?'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Our violinist isn't here tonight, but Tony here will be happy to play something romantic on his cymbals for you."

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

Spud dating.

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

Florist. You're taking your new girlfriend to the aviary for Valentine's Day? Yes -- It's a cheap date.

Nethead strip: Dates

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"Wouldn't it be easier just to go to another restaurant."

Ventrilamatch.com

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.