Paycheck Jester Gifts

"Whoa, don't hand me my pay cheque. I'm allergic to peanuts!"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

Why markets crash.

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"Are you sure you haven't overvalued the worth of your business?"

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'Wait a minute....!

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'