Paycheck Juggler Gifts

"Would you like your paycheck sent directly to your mortgage holder, your oil company or your health insurance provider?"

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

"Everything's gone up."

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"I managed to find a healthy work-life balance, but now there's a problem with my bank balance."

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

Fries and kids

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

'Wait a minute....!

"No, it's no mistake. There is no out."

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'It's a type of credit card that self destructs when it reaches the limit I've set for you.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'