Park Regular Gifts

"Totally harmless. . . he's just looking for attention."

'Good lord, man: have you lost all self-respect?'

Bitchbark Canoe

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"You do realize you can't take that one home."

'No ice.'

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Rump roast?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Look at that! Peanuts!'

Canine Scentipede

"Let's hear some of that scout master wisdom now, sir!"

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"I do miss trees but I don't miss the raking."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'Why Sally, you look so fetching with that stick!'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Dog tries to obey No Dog sign

Dolphins playing on a seesaw.

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

Garden pond: mosquito breeding ground

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."