Pool Regular Gifts

Relax, you are now floating in hydrochloric acid...

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

'No ice.'

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

"Rump roast?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"And would you like flies with that?"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

I wish I'd had the review.

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'I like you, you've got balls.'

"I forget to drink."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'