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Relax, you are now floating in hydrochloric acid...

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

'No ice.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

"Rump roast?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"And would you like flies with that?"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'I like you, you've got balls.'

"I forget to drink."

Prawn Cocktail Please