Park Performer Gifts

"It's nice of you to say so, Ben, but somehow the idea of 'Shakespeare in the Park' doesn't really appeal to me."

"Accidentally flying onstage does not count as 'doing Shakespeare in the Park.' "

Brass Band

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

They hated me.

Showbiz Awards

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"We're following Carrot Top."

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Extreme miming"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

George Michael

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

Cow Show Tunes

"That'll be five bucks."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'Relax, it's just like riding a rollercoaster.'

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

'Play it again, Sam.'

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Bravo!"

Jazz is Invented