Old Married Couples Gifts

"We're in the tub together. But not like it used to be."

"He's stopped waiting for Brexit and moved on with his life."

"I had one left."

"And it comes in five different flavours."

Annoying things about the beach.

"Perhaps we could explore other ways of making sure our partner is listening."

Husband check

"Hubert, you know good and well that I said to deck the halls with boughs of holly!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Cry babies.

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Couples' therapy

His Her Cakes

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'We'd just like to get away from all leading economic indicators for a while.'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"... Oh, don't worry, I won't 'overcook it'... I hope you like, sushi."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

Sulk Shows

"Get a tomb!"

'Choose, Fenster

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!