Old Married Couple Gifts

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"The containment dome only muffled him."

"Harold still has all the moves...he just forgot how to use them."

"I figured, better the devil you know."

"Unfortunately, solar panels don't energize EVERYTHING."

Dead Silence: a restaurant for married people

'Are you avoiding me, Charles?'

"Man it's freezing tonight - I can't feel my toes and my fingers are numb!"

"You used to look at me like that."

"My husband's been on eBay all day. When I get home I think I'll lower the price."

"I imagine you're keen to catch up with your late husband?"

"It's hard to believe now of course, but he was always impeccably groomed before we got married..."

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

'Instant? I remember when we were young and you made karma from scratch.'

"And, furthermore, if you think for one damn minute I'm going to put up with your lousy shenanigans..."

"I took your vitamins."

Dentures and foot kissing

hoovering husband

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'Dave, why did we marry?' 'You wanted part of the paper.'

"Maybe you don't remember why we don't have sex anymore.... but I do!"

'There's a four letter word for what we do in bed -R-E-A-D.'

The Joy of Celibacy.

"He used to take me out all the time, now all he takes out, are his teeth."

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"

"I kind of miss that morning newspaper you used to hold in front of your face."

"All this sex on television has given a headache."

"With the courage from that one drink I'll tell you I've been faking my squeal for years."

"Actually I'm not wearing underwear."

"I couldn't decide what to get you so I got myself a new hat."