Elderly Couple Gifts

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

An old couple are leaving a supermarket the man has a t-shirt saying 'I've got Viagra' the woman has one saying 'I've got a headache.

"Would you like to hear tonight's specials, or have you already closed yourselves to new experiences?"

"We got a sympathy card. Our anniversary is next week"

"I remember when you used to kiss me under the mistletoe."

"Look at it this way, dear, if our bodies are 80% water, then you’re not fat, you’re flooded."

Old man - 'Who are you?' Glamorous lady - 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

'If you're coming on this road trip the sign stays,'

"Was that the crack of dawn, Arthur, or your back?"

"Shall I compare thee to an autumn day?"

"Wish I could do that." "Better give him a dog treat and a bath first."

"75"

How’d my dang teeth get in there? Cuz you been drinkin’ out of the milk carton again.

"Why you watch them cookin' shows when you know your cookin' ain't good?"

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

"At our age I'd say we have about two or three binge watches left in us."

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

"Lift your stems."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

'Come die with me.'

"We missed Fashion Week!"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.