Medical Mishaps Enthusiast Gifts

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'Must've pressed the wrong button. Hang on, I'll ask the nurse.'

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

spellchecker

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'I can't turn it off.'

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"Well, at least his heart's in the right place."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

Broken hospital sign.

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'