Medical Mishaps Gifts

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Patient kicks doctor in groin after reflex test.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Barbeque Casualty.

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'I can't turn it off.'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'But I only came in to have my appendix out!'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

Broken hospital sign.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"Good heavens! Who hooked you up? This one is cable TV!"

'Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake.'