Medical Mishaps Gifts

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Patient kicks doctor in groin after reflex test.

'Give me a break! A couple of shirtless construction workers outside the window, and you two completely lose track of what you're doing!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'I can't turn it off.'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'But I only came in to have my appendix out!'

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'Mr. Simms, I think you have a very strong case for malpractice regarding your hip replacement.'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Why do medical test results always come back on a Monday so we have to wait through the whole weekend to get our life-and-death results? You've signed a mouthful.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!