Medical Mishap Buff Gifts

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'I can't turn it off.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"See? Right there - my wedding ring."

Sling

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

Broken legs and broken nose in the hospital.

"I miss the days when my doctor was older than me!"

Paramedic Mistakes.

'He broke his wrist trying to open his medicine.'

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

'Get a time release capsule stuck in your throat again?'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'You're just going to feel a little pinch, then a horrific burning pain, your eyes will roll back into your head, you will drool uncontrollably...'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!