Medical Mishap Storyteller Gifts

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

'I can't turn it off.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

Paramedic Mistakes.

'Get a time release capsule stuck in your throat again?'

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

"I believe I told you quite clearly not to let his stitches get wet."

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

Why do medical test results always come back on a Monday so we have to wait through the whole weekend to get our life-and-death results? You've signed a mouthful.