Medical Mishap Laugh Gifts

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'Where does it hurt?'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'I can't turn it off.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

'Can you believe I was open for six months, and not one single client?!?'

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

"You are perfectly healthy, your Highness."

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

'Get a time release capsule stuck in your throat again?'

'What's that noise?'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

Broken hospital sign.