Medical Mishap Aficionado Gifts

'Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'I can't turn it off.'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

spellchecker

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"Well, at least his heart's in the right place."

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."