Medical Misadventure Enthusiast Gifts

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

"You toss and turn a lot in your sleep."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'I can't turn it off.'

'I'll take #1.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'Side effects? You have to worry about side effects?'

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

'Well I'm blowed if I know what any of this means!'

Plastic Surgery

"I'm telling you, Hutchins. It's 'Feed a fever. Starve a cold.'"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'