Medical Mischief Enthusiast Gifts

Hospital "They fell off the back of a trolley"

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

'Okay, you're due for a lube job, fluid levels check and a new ball joint. Oh, skip that...this is my list...'

'Mr Mundello, when I said strip to the waist, I meant for you to start at the top.'

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

'Honestly, I'm not sure if it's functional...But I suppose there's only one way to find out.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"Gross."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Time for your pills.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Long shift?'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"Turn your head and cough."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Mobile Operations Stand.

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."