Medical Mischief Gifts

'Sorry, Roger. I never know when my restless leg syndrome is going to act up.'

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

'This case has taken a strange twist -- it turns out that my nurse is allergic to you.'

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"Welcome to the walk-in clinic. The special is cholesterol screening and the catch of the day is whooping cough."

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

Less expensive equivalent.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

Obstruction of justice? Yeah, I can give you something for that.

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

'I could have sworn it was the cavalry!!'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

"I'll call you back. I'm in a meeting."

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

"My math teacher says I should consider becoming a teacher some day."

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

"Time of death, 11:55." "Wait, what?" "No, sorry, my phone died."

"I'm just messing with you."

'I realize it's a bit strange, sir, but due to the new health information privacy laws, none of us is allowed to know your identity.'

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

14! What does that mean? We started the day with 100 pastries. We sold 85. There should be 15 left. But there are only 14. Overreaction coming. STOLEN SCONE!!! Breathe.

'Mr Mundello, when I said strip to the waist, I meant for you to start at the top.'

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'