Medical Mischief Pillows

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

'This case has taken a strange twist -- it turns out that my nurse is allergic to you.'

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"Welcome to the walk-in clinic. The special is cholesterol screening and the catch of the day is whooping cough."

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

Less expensive equivalent.

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'I could have sworn it was the cavalry!!'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

"I'll call you back. I'm in a meeting."

"I'm just messing with you."

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

"Time of death, 11:55." "Wait, what?" "No, sorry, my phone died."

"My math teacher says I should consider becoming a teacher some day."

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

'Mr Mundello, when I said strip to the waist, I meant for you to start at the top.'

The jobless blacksmith screwed up the heart surgeon re-education.

The Left One As You Look At It.

'There's a 50% chance you won't survive the procedure. But I wouldn't worry - I get paid either way.'

'The sport wasn't on your lung...It was on the x-ray...barbecue sauce...please sand by for an apology and a great explanation from my nurse...'

'Okay, you're due for a lube job, fluid levels check and a new ball joint. Oh, skip that...this is my list...'