Medical Mischief Lover Gifts

'We have two options. I can open you up again or I can report the watch stolen and split the insurance money with you.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

Obstruction of justice? Yeah, I can give you something for that.

'He seems cranky, but his heart is in the right place -- we gave him an MRI to be sure.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

"Worst case of hypochondria I've ever seen."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Playing pig

'Get up or I'm sending in the cat.'

Moo-Magrams Exams

The Tooth Ferret

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

Less expensive equivalent.

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

Halloween health & safety.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"Time of death, 11:55." "Wait, what?" "No, sorry, my phone died."

"I'm just messing with you."

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

"Dad's half asleep. He was using the fly swatter to flip the pancakes."

'I realize it's a bit strange, sir, but due to the new health information privacy laws, none of us is allowed to know your identity.'

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'

'Give me a mortgage!...'

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

'I've been here so often, they keep a room reserved for me.'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

'Mr Mundello, when I said strip to the waist, I meant for you to start at the top.'

The jobless blacksmith screwed up the heart surgeon re-education.