Medical Mischief Lover Mugs

'We have two options. I can open you up again or I can report the watch stolen and split the insurance money with you.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

'He seems cranky, but his heart is in the right place -- we gave him an MRI to be sure.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

"Worst case of hypochondria I've ever seen."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'Get up or I'm sending in the cat.'

The Tooth Ferret

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

Less expensive equivalent.

Halloween health & safety.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

"I'm just messing with you."

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

"Dad's half asleep. He was using the fly swatter to flip the pancakes."

"Time of death, 11:55." "Wait, what?" "No, sorry, my phone died."

'Patients! They whine about MRSA, then they moan about our ward disinfecting regime. There really is no pleasing them.'

'Give me a mortgage!...'

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

'I've been here so often, they keep a room reserved for me.'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

'Mr Mundello, when I said strip to the waist, I meant for you to start at the top.'

The jobless blacksmith screwed up the heart surgeon re-education.

The Left One As You Look At It.

'Okay, you're due for a lube job, fluid levels check and a new ball joint. Oh, skip that...this is my list...'

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

'The sport wasn't on your lung...It was on the x-ray...barbecue sauce...please sand by for an apology and a great explanation from my nurse...'