Medical Mayhem Lover Gifts

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Future garbage truck driver.

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

Jester Surgeon

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'Will you be wanting this?'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Paging for a Doctor

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

Moo-Magrams Exams

Medical Library - Large books with really revolting photographs

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"274 meters of bandage - It looks as though you're going to make the Guiness Book of Records, Mr Henderson!"

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."