Medical Misadventures Gifts

'Hot! Hot!'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'I can't turn it off.'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'Can you believe I was open for six months, and not one single client?!?'

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

Paramedic Mistakes.

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

'You have a parasite, I'm afraid.'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Most common side effects...

'Mr Mundello, when I said strip to the waist, I meant for you to start at the top.'

Doctor using a skeleton's arm to scratch his back.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!