Medical Misadventures Gifts

Mrs. Cohen, I'm sorry to tell you you have a tumor. It's in your throat. Let me show you a diagram on the computer. Click. Sorry, I've somehow mixed in my vacation photos. Where was I? @#$% HMO!

'Hot! Hot!'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'I can't turn it off.'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

'Can you believe I was open for six months, and not one single client?!?'

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

Paramedic Mistakes.

'You have a parasite, I'm afraid.'

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

'What are you complaining about...they told you this was MINOR surgery!'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

'Mr Mundello, when I said strip to the waist, I meant for you to start at the top.'