Medical Mishap Enthusiast Gifts

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

To his dismay, Vern's entire surgical team passes out at the sight of blood,

'Well, I'm sorry, but according to our new system you are an 84 year old Caucasian woman with bad hips...Mrs. McGillicutty.'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Broken hospital sign.

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"Uh oh...I was supposed to rub this on you back..."

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

'Well, I know someone who's going to be rereading the chapter on bedside manner tonight.'

'DANG!' ( a doctor accidentally sews his sleeve to the patient)

'I can't turn it off.'

"I'm afraid we can't see anything with the sigmoidoscope, so we'll have to send in junior."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

"...Butt-dialed again..."

"Oops, forgot.... I also have REALLY high blood pressure."

You are here but you should be here

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

spellchecker

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"See? Right there - my wedding ring."