Surgical Mishap Aficionado Gifts

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'I can't turn it off.'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

'I wish McWit would lead a life of quiet desperation.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'Laser Surgery While You Wait.'

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"It's not a cummerbund. It's my underpants."

"Well, at least his heart's in the right place."

'He's always talking about all of his operations.'

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'Yes, the cutting open part is necessary. It's standard operating procedure.'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Surgery.

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Broken hospital sign.

"Some like to keep them as souvenirs, some don't."

Surgeon: Wow! Now That's Gross.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!