Surgical Mishap Aficionado Gifts

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'I can't turn it off.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'I wish McWit would lead a life of quiet desperation.'

'Laser Surgery While You Wait.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

"It's not a cummerbund. It's my underpants."

Paramedic Mistakes.

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."

'He's always talking about all of his operations.'

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"Well, at least his heart's in the right place."

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'Yes, the cutting open part is necessary. It's standard operating procedure.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Broken hospital sign.

Surgery.

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

"Some like to keep them as souvenirs, some don't."

Surgeon: Wow! Now That's Gross.