Medical Fun Enthusiast Gifts

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Little doctor.

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

Happy Birthday to you.

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

London GPs could become an endangered species.

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."