Medical Enthusiast Gifts

"It's your ear, nose, and throat."

Medical Examinations.

'Urology...can you hold?'

'I thought it might help if I listed my symptoms.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'Assuming I am a hypochondriac, couldn't that condition be brought on by a brain tumor?'

Little doctor.

'I'd like you to meet my husband - he's a laparoscopic surgeon.'

'In simple terms, bacterial infections can be treated with anti-biotics such as penicillin - whereas a virus is something yur computer gets.'

'Isn't medical progress marvellous? If we'd been sat here a hundred years ago, we'd be dead by now!'

I'm afraid nurse Wilcox can't have a supportive caring chat with you until she's had the appropriate training.

Dept. of Proctology - "Oh, yes I remember now..."

'I think I know what you've got, but it'll take a specialist to pronounce it.'

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"

'If the ECG isn't broken then we have problem'

'You've got gall stones, kidney stones and bladder stones. Welcome to the stone age.'

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

"It's the orthopedist's parts department. Your knees are in."

'Actually I'm a ?39,000-a-year 'Integrated Commissioning Manager' if you really must know.'

Doctor monitoring his own heart attack.

'Why do you keep coming to these meetings, appendix? You have not contributed a damn thing since the Paleolithic!'

'Mrs.Neal, we did everything we could: anglopasty, laser surgery, replaced a valve, put in a shunt. . . Your husband still snores like a musk ox.'

"I'm afraid minister that the consensus is that we might need even more than the novelty T-shirts and complementary key rings to sort the GP recruitment crisis."

"It's nothing to worry about. He just seems to be experiencing a growth spurt."

'It's simple - we take everything out and just put back the good stuff.'

'You've a slipped disc in your back and a slipped everything in your front.'

"Rub this on everything."

Doctor testing patient reflexes with unusual results.

Nothing like a Valentine from my boyfriend David... the cardiologist.

'Let's see now...'

'You have echolalia — it's very common among politicians.'

'Actually, Mr. Van Gogh, we deal mostly with inner ear problems.'

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"The doctor won't be able to make it in today. He suggested you all start relying more on your own immune system."

"Your first operation? Mine too!"