Medical Mishap Chucklers Gifts

'Get a time release capsule stuck in your throat again?'

Desert Island Mishap

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'Where does it hurt?'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'I can't turn it off.'

'I'll take #1.'

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"You are perfectly healthy, your Highness."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

"Did I mention the date I had last night? A complete stiff, no sense of humor ... much too cerebral."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'You're just going to feel a little pinch, then a horrific burning pain, your eyes will roll back into your head, you will drool uncontrollably...'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'Your chart here says you've had some sort of allergic reaction to frogs' legs...can you be more specific?'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Broken hospital sign.

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"If I need to stop smoking and lose weight...what are you going to do about it?"

'Must've pressed the wrong button. Hang on, I'll ask the nurse.'

"Congratulations, Mrs Foopster!! It's a bouncing baby boy!!"

'Good news Mrs. Gibson: Novox Liposuction Inc. has agreed to settle out of court'.